One thing I really like about The New York Times and The Atlantic is that they often— maybe always, maybe sometimes— let you hear a piece read by the author, instead of AI. Sometimes the author talks before. Sometimes after. Sometimes both. How am I supposed to know? But who among us doesn’t like to switch it up? So, here I am.
You can read this with your eyes, or listen to me read it with your ears. Pretty sure that’s still how it works. Who’s to say? I can rise from the digital ether and speak directly into your skull. Or you can read it the old-fashioned way. But you don’t have to. Unless you want to. You get how it works, right? Eyeballs, mouth-words—it’s all the same to the clam.
For now, my read out louds are free for everyone, so if you’ve always wanted to be read to like a sophisticated child, this is your moment. Most will be behind the paywall soon.
AI will still read them all, because I don’t care how you ingest my thoughts. I love it when random words—like snake handler from Dear Mr. Claus— suddenly pronounce themselves in a weird, almost foreign accent, like the AI gets briefly possessed and then snaps back. I can’t compete with that. I mean, I can, but it’s not on purpose. I’ll probably get thrown into the hospital for it, but let’s see how this goes.
For some of you, hearing my voice again might be painful. For others, it might help. I understand if it hurts. I hate it, too. I miss you so much, whoever you are. You know who you are. Either way, I don’t really exist.
Enjoy my voice from the beyond.
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